Sunday, 26 November 2006

My Dad

Well here I am again, trying to post this but keep crashing.  I thought I'd let you all see a picture of my Daddy and his family.  We were sent this by my cousin, Lila, just before we made our journey and were thrilled to get it as we had never seen it before.  My granny (babcia) is on the left.  Then Jadja (Jadwiga) is next to her with baby, Halina, on her lap.  Then there is little Arcadeuz and then my Daddy!  Auntie Lila had not yet been born.

Jadwiga was a full sister to my Dad.  She died whilst my Dad was still alive, I know he was very sad that he had never seen her again after he left Poland with the Polish Air Force.  I was both amazed and touched when I visited my Cousin Lila, her daughter, that she had letters that my father had written her and that she still treasured them.

Its sad really but I don't remember my Dad telling us much about the family in Poland.  He died when I was 17, which was very shocking.

He used to love to play chess.  He even played chess against others on the telephone.  We'd lie in bed upstairs and it would be all quiet and then you'd hear a voice saying "Rook to Pawn 2" or something like that.  He even played chess on the day he died.  He was up London, playing at the Polish YMCA in a league when he collapsed with a heart attack.  He was taken to St Mary's in Paddington but before we got there, he had gone.  It was such a terrible shock to us all and we were devasted.  I remember the night so well.  Paul wasn't well and I had just started going out with him, so I had gone to his parents house and we were watching the Eurovision Song Contest.  The phone went and it was my ex brother in law telling us that Daddy had taken ill.  We lived in Edmonton at the time, so I dashed home and then caught a cab up to London with my ex brother in law.  As soon as I walked through the doors of the hospital I saw my brother, Peter.  He was only 13 and he walked towards me and I knew.  We came home by cab and my sister, Barb and I climbed into bed with mummy.  Mummy wouldn't call our sisters, Andrea and Christine.  She said we'll wait until the morning, let them have a good night's sleep.

Daddy and his family

Its been 34 years but I still miss my Daddy.

Hugs.  Terry



Saturday, 18 November 2006


Ohhh I did lots of explanations about this... and just lost it.  Hopefully, this time I'll get it posted.

Last year, for the first time, my sister Christine, Rosie and my brother Peter all visited Poland for the very first time.  As you know, I have Polish parents who are both dead.  My dad, Joseph, otherwise known as Zuik, died in 1972, aged 61.  Daddy met Mummy during the war and never went back to Poland.  His mother came over in 1957 but didn't get on with my Mum, so never came again.

There are a few little strange things about daddy, like his real name, which he never told us about.  I don't know the reason.  It was very strange being given his old Scout certificates with this name that we had never really known him by.  We can't understand the reason for the secrecy.  My mum only told me about it a few years before she died.  This was another thing she didn't share with my sisters or brother.  I told them after she had died.  Why all these secrets??  Even after our visit to Poland we couldn't seem to get to the bottom of it.

It was absolutely wonderful meeting our Polish relatives.  His sister lives in Bialystok, very near to the train station, and she was the main one we were going to visit as she had always written to us, despite hardly ever getting a reply from me.  My Polish is very bad although Christine can speak quite a bit,  I suppose when she was younger it was spoken in the home but as we came along, mainly English was used.  Words can't really describe the feelings we had as we finally made this trip to Poland.  Why hadn't we been before?  I think mainly due to lack of money. 

I will write more about this.  In the meantime though, now I have got the hang of this posting pictures malarky,  I am posting on a picture of my Auntie Lila and her wonderful picture that hangs in her hallway.  Let me know what you think of this painting.  I found it absolutely fascinating.

One more thing.  When we visited the cemetary to see my grandmother's grave, Auntie Lila took us to see her husband's grave.  We were shocked to see her name already enscribed on it.  She explained that all that needed doing was putting on the date of her death ..... eeeeeeek!  We tried to explain about Scrooge and him seeing his gravestone ... it was all a bit lost in translation.


Now to get on a bit and stop messing about on here!!

Catch you later.

Terry x


Putting pictures on

Oh gawd!  I know I only did this a couple of weeks ago and in the end managed to do it with photobucket but I have completely forgotten how to do it and can't do it .... argh.

So, please can someone give me the idiot's guide on how to make pictures appear!  Its got to be simple, I seem to have a mental block on this.

Rosie has discovered my old keyboard this morning.  I got it years ago and taught myself to play a few tunes and learned a few cords.  I only got as far as book 1 before I lost interest.  I never seemed to get my rhythmn right!  She is now making a god awful noise and is driving her older brother, Martin, mad.  Paul has disappeared off to work, he got fed up too.

She got ok at the hospital yesterday.  The tooth they were concerned about is laying across the bottom of her gum and not in a position to come out of it!  They think her baby tooth is strong enough and so we will leave best alone because if they do operate to try to get it out, it is near the nerve that could cause paralysis of her lip.  Now, we will have to start the brace procedure off for her twisted front tooth.  As you know, the NHS stopped funding for any braces except for very extreme cases, so we will have to find a lot of money for this.  It will be worth it though.  I think we can pay monthly for it.

Matthew went off to camp last night.  It was pouring with rain all day and he is camping!  I have sent him off with lots of clothes to change into and loads of waterproofs.  The good thing is that the sun is shining here today, so hopefully the kit won't come back too muddy (hmm, I bet it does anyway).  He has gone to a place called Phasels Wood.  Here is the link.  I bet he'll be having a wonderful time and come home exhausted tomorrow.

Martin has been offered a job in Leeds.  Oh, we are going to miss him if he goes.  I am trying not to be selfish and not think of good reasons to be negative about it.  He went travelling 3 years ago and came home after 4 months as he missed us all so much, so I hope he decides not to take it and look for a better job round here.  His work are considering whether to make him a better offer, so watch this space.

Anyway, off to do a few jobs. 

Take care everyone.

Terry x


Friday, 17 November 2006

Mummy's Memoirs

I have made a decision.  Sounds like x factor!  I am going to create a new journal to put the rest of Mum's memoirs in.  She deserves her own space in journal land.  I'll be doing this soon and will let you know the link.  This week my sister, Chris, found some more of mum's writings which I will have to type up too, ooh nothing like keeping busy.

Off to the hospital now for Rosie's teeth!

Catch you later.


Thursday, 16 November 2006


Tonight we made our way with trepidation to Rosie's school for her first open evening.

We had a heck of a job getting Rosie into the school of her dreams.  Much was made in the October of going round all the secondary schools in our area on their open evenings and listening to their virtues etc.  We let Rosie choose the school she would like to go to on the premise that if she did get the school she wanted to go to, she would work hard there.

It was terrible in March this year when we heard that Rosie had not got the school of her choice and we had to tell her.  It was even worse when she went to school the next day and found she was the only one in her class of 30 pupils that didn't get her first choice.  In fact, she was allocated her third choice which was a school outside our area which we only put down because we didn't think she would ever get placed at it.  Poor Rosie was so upset, she came out in a rash all over her body, she really felt the odd one out at school because everyone else was so happy they had got the school place they had wanted.  It was a very difficult time.

It took a couple of months, preparing appeal submissions and going on a waiting list before we found out that she had managed to achieve her place.  Hooray.  Her older brother and I hid up the new school with a poster saying Congratulations and Paul drove her up and we jumped out and surprised her.  That was a lovely evening after the disappointment and tears a few months earlier,

I am pleased to say that she is doing great in everything except French, where she seems to have une major bloc!!!  The French teacher told me that she thinks perhaps Rosie may not be linguistic ... hmm I disagree big time and told her about the couple of trips we have made to Poland where Rosie has picked up a lot of the language very quickly.  Maybe I will take Rosie to Paris and that may awaken her interest in learing to speak the language of love.  The French teacher was very nice, she seemed concerned that Rosie may not like her.  Rosie just doesn't like French!

I don't consider myself as a pushy parent but really would like Rosie to do well.  She came out of primary school with 5s in maths and science and a 4 in English.  The maths and science results were a surprise to us and to her, so she has got ability there which I hope she will use.  Paul thinks I am pushy but I really do try not to be.

Rosie was at home really worrying ... we arrived home with Chinese and donuts to celebrate her efforts. 

Matthew is getting ready for another scout weekend, leaving tomorrow for an adventure centre.  I have unpicked and sewn all the blimming badges (15 of them) onto his new shirt this week.  I have gone out today and got yet more gloves (apparently his old ones were thrown on the fire by "Sam" last week).  Tomorrow I will go and get a few chocolate goodies for him to take, he loves chocolate fingers!  We have the kit all over the room but will pack it up tomorrow when he gets back from school.

One of his front teeth is still longer than the other, guess who got the appointment wrong!  He will be having it done next week.  He came home today with a photo taken last week at school still a la braces (still speaking French here after my meeting with the French teacher tonight), it will be nice to see next year to compare the smile and the teeth looking perfect!

Off now.  Take care.


Sunday, 12 November 2006

Nice weekend/Dentists

Matthew had his brace off on Friday!!!  After 3 years it is nice to see his teeth again.  A couple of years ago, he chipped his front tooth and the repair held until about a week or so, when it broke off.  The repair had to wait until the brace was off, so Paul took him to the dentist to get the repair done after the brace was off, first thing on Friday.  I was shocked to see that the repair has been done but the tooth looks shorter than his other tooth - can you believe it!  I went crazy.  I just can't believe the dentist could be so lazy.  Anyway, he is going back on Wednesday and he will have matching front teeth if it kills me!

Rosie is going to the hospital on Friday because she has a tooth growing at an angle through her bottom gum.  I hope they can do something for her without an op.  It is not causing her any probs at the moment.  I only found out about it when we took her about her brace for her twisted front tooth (which they refused her for under their new guidelines and which will cost us £1300 to have done).  Its ridiculous that she would have to walk around with this twisted tooth for the rest of her life due to their cut backs and new guidelines.  Apparently, they only see kids once a year now for dental check ups instead of every 6 months.

We have had a nice relaxing weekend.  Matthew went off to scouts yesterday and they had a day in London, visiting the London Dungeons and HM Belfast.  They camped out last night and we have to pick him up soon after the Remembrance service. 

Rosie and I met up with an old friend of mine, Laura and her son Brad, who is about the same age as Rosie.

I met Laura years ago in Greece down a long road in the middle of nowhere, looking for a hotel where we had our welcome meeting.  She was only young then, about 19 and was with her friend Jackie.  We were in our 30s.  Anyway, we got chatting and I remembered seeing her and her friend on the plane.  We arranged to meet up for an evening and it was the start of a long friendship with Laura.  She was telling us the first time we met her that she wasn't interested in a holiday romance but by the end of the holiday she had met a chap from oop North and could hardly bear it when he left a couple of days before her.  It was quite exciting and romantic.  He met her at Gatwick and off they went for more loving at a hotel near her home.  By the time the following week came she upped sticks and left to go back up North with him.  He was a bit older than her but really seemed a nice man.  Ahh, it would be lovely if they were still together wouldn't it but it all went wrong after about a year and he decided he didn't want to go on with it.  She came home broken hearted and then met Steve, who is great and has settled down with him and had Brad.  Shes a great girl, a great laugh and if you heard her laugh you'd be on the floor, its really infectious.

Anyway, we went off shopping to Welwyn, Laura drove, she is a better parker than I am in tight spaces!  I got Matthew a new scout shirt from John Lewis, poor Matthew is still wearing his old one from when he was 10 and it is getting very short on the arms now.  I now have to sew all the blimming badges on this new one from the old one - ooooh.  Rosie had a couple of pairs of earring studs from Argos because she is always losing them and because she got a fairly good report from her new school she had some money to spend.  She decided to buy the latest Jacqueline Wilson book.  She loves her books.  We saw Jacqueline Wilson at an evening at our local theatre.  She had so many big silver rings on all of her fingers and so many bracelets it was a wonder she could lift her arms up when she spoke.  A very eccentric looking lady.

So, we got home at about 5ish and settled down for a lovely evening in front of the telly.  Xfactor is our favourite but we have to fight Paul for control of the telly, so we can watch it.  We always hope he'll drop off to sleep and if he does then we creep across grab the tv plodder and make merry with it! 

We have all been lazy this morning.  I got up at about 7 and dropped off again on the sofa, bliss!  We have all just had our toastie things, me and Rosie had spag hoops with toast and Paul was a more sedate cheese on toast.  I love Sundays!!!  Better get dressed now though and get on with getting things ready for the week.

Catch you later.

Terry x

Saturday, 11 November 2006

Part 9 - Mummy's Memoirs

Part 9 - two chapters today!  Hope you enjoy.  Mother wrote the little titles ...


One day I went out into the yard, it was a beautiful day.

I looked across the yard and saw the woman who lived in the house opposite putting big plates of pies on the window. They were open pies with lovely purple coloured berries in them. I went over and asked her what they were. Through the open window she told me they were mulberries. I rushed back home. Mother had to make a mulberry pie. They looked and smelled wonderful. Mother would not make mulberry pies, she did not believe in it. In Poland no-one ever ate mulberries, terrible idea.

So I went back to the open window with the pies cooling on the ledge. I got talking to the lady. Told her how lovely they looked. What a wonderful cook she was. My mother was too ill to make any I told her. If I had a pie like that I would lick the plate so clean it would not even need washing.

So she gave me a small one on a saucer. I thought she was rather mean, she had so many big ones on dinner plates.

But something was better than nothing.

The first taste tasted a little sour with a bitter taste to it. That was because I was not used to it. It would soon taste as good as it looked. But it didn’t! It tasted worse. But I could not let the lady down. I told her I’d never tasted anything so good.

After eating half of it I thought I’d be sick. When she turned her back, I put the saucer with the half eaten pie back on the window and ran.

I avoided her like the plague after that. I thought she’d do something dreadful to me for not eating it and she had to was the plate after all!

The Great Seduction

One day Mother sent me to that house to tell a woman upstairs she wanted to see her about something.

The woman said would I stay with her little boy who was about 4 years old while she went across. I readily agreed. The boy had lots of toys all over the floor and I was eager to play with them.

S soon as the woman was out of the house, the boy said we must play mothers and fathers. I said ok, he’d be father and I’d be mother. H e said we must undress like mothers and fathers do and get into bed naked. I had on a maroon coloured woollen dress. It pricked me all over. I would have gladly taken it off but I was scared. I remembered the other boy and I could not bear it. He started to take off his clothes. I went to the door but it would not open! We had been locked in!

I tried to stop him taking off his clothes - I didn’t want to play mothers and fathers. But he took no notice of me. He took off every stitch.

I covered my face with my hands not to see him.

I took a look and he was showing me his horrible thing. Then the door opened and his mother came in! She took one look - and went mad - he said I had asked him to take off his clothes. I ran out.

I went for a long walk trying to forget the horror of it all.

When I came back home, Mother pounced! What had I been up to? Hold could I? I cried and cried and for once she somehow believed me. It took a long time for me to get over it and I would not go to that side of the block for anything.

Have a nice Saturday.

Terry x

Tuesday, 7 November 2006

the drunken secretary

Well, heres an update on the drunken secretary.

God, I must have sounded really bitchy in my entry about her but I must be honest, I couldn't wait to get into work on Monday to see what would be occurring!

So, I mosied in on time at 9.15 and she was already there sitting at her desk.  As soon as the rest of my little group were in she approached us.  We were shocked to the core when she apologised to us all for letting us down and just kept saying, sorry, sorry.  Despite her previous horrid ways, I felt sorry for her.  It took her a lot to do that I know, especially in view of her previous behaviour to some of the girls in my group.  She obviously had had a terrible weekend, worrying about what would happen because it is a sackable offence.  Shes lucky really that we are all nicer than she is because none of us would split on her to the group manager, who was away on Friday.  I still can't believe she was so stupid to do that.  I think she has smoothed it over with her boss too but has ruined her credibility. 

Today was lovely.  My boss had a broken engagement last year.  It was very sudden just a few months before she was due to get married.  It was really out of the blue but consequently she found out that there were a lot of issues going on with him and he did her the biggest favour.  We were all so upset with her at the time because it was such a shock the way it ended.  Anyway, she went on a dating website, one of those where your friends write your profile for you and she has found the loveliest of chaps.  I think he was the only one she ever met up with.  Today 6 red balloons saying "I love you" and a wonderful bouquet of  flowers arrived for her, marking their 6 month anniversary.  Ahhh.   I had to go to reception to collect them because she was out when they arrived.  I must say I felt pretty damm special carrying the "I love you" balloons and flowers back downstairs, people in the lift that didn't know me, giving me curious looks that I was so loved carrying all this booty.  I told those that knew me that I had a secret admirer, so I enjoyed the moment too.  I am hoping that her new chap will propose soon!  It all looks very promising.  She is the nicest of persons and I really like her.

Just to let you know that Billy is doing well.  He went back to the Vet today and they sayto call on Friday to let them know how he is doing.  I felt a right twerp phoning them yesterday, as they had asked us to do last week as the receptionist didn't seem that interested and didn't appear to be making notes.  Perhaps I should make it more interesting when I call on Friday.  He is still doing little snuffles but nothing as bad as this time last week. 

Catch you later.

Terry x

Saturday, 4 November 2006

Our week

Well this has been a funny week, ups and down because of Billy not being well but enjoyable times, such as when we went out trick and treating.  Work has been absolutely manic and there are never enough hours in the day to get everything done.  We don't get any temp cover when one of us is away and it causes a lot more work for the rest of us, argh. 

Yesterday a girl I really don't like came back to the office as drunk as a lord.  It was nice to see her like that, tee hee!! What a bitch I am.  She is not a very nice person and has really been very nasty about some people I work with directly to their bosses, most of her comments were untrue and made just because she has a nasty nature.  You say good morning to her and she just scowls back, what a waste of time, eh?  Some of the others have said how nice she is outside the office ...  hello???? So .... I wonder what will happen on Monday.  She went to lunch at 1 and didn't come back until about 5!  It was someone's 50th and she and another girl just went and didn't come back.  We were so manic I didn't notice until her boss started carrying on and made one of the other girls call her to get back to the office.  Couldn't have happened to a better person. 

Today I must go and get Matthew's hair cut as he looks like a yeti.  He has a few nice things coming up with Scouts.  They are off to London next week to the London Dungeons and a camp out that night before the Remembrance Parade on Sunday.  He  normally comes home very grouchy after these camp outs because the other boys don't let him sleep and once he decides he has to sleep he hates being disturbed.  Mind you, he still goes because he likes all the other things they do.  Then the following weekend he is off to an adventure camp with them.  Today I must go and get a head torch for him .... one more thing to lose, eh!

I have booked up to go to the Joseph and his Amazing Dream Coat singalong in Leicester Square on the 19th.  The tickets include a dinner afterwards at Ruby Blue, a restaurant nearby.  Rosie played Joseph in her last school play, so this is something she'll really enjoy.  We have done the Sound of Music singalong before and really enjoyed that.  I dressed the kids up, Rosie was a nun and Matthew was a brown paper package wrapped up in string.  They both won prizes and looked really sweet.  Don't know if I'd be able to get Matthew to dress up now he is 13.

Off to get some coffee into my system!

Terry x


Mummy's Memoirs, Part 8

Heres Part 8, enjoy.

The Reluctant Bather

One day it was very cold, I came home from school and Mother was not at home. I was quite pleased, I mooched around. Then I thought I will wash the floor for her. She’d be so thrilled.

The floors were bare boards. Continuously scrubbed so they were very white. I got the bucket and water, scrubbing brush, soap and water.

It was nice splashing the water on the floor and scrubbing, pressing the brush into the soap and scrubbing. After a while I got tired of it. I hadn’t finished the room but even then Mother should be pleased that I had helped her.

But Mother did not come. I went around to her friends. No Mother, where was she So I walked into the town looking for her. On the way home I passed the outdoor swimming pool.

She was nowhere else, she must be in there.

So I went to the cash desk and asked had they seen Mrs Robak? They didn’t know Mrs Robak but they would call her. I heard a loud tinny voice repeating over and over again “Mrs Robak please come to the cash desk”. Mother did not come. She must be dead. I had searched everywhere.

I returned home and thee was Mother as mad at me as ever. My floor washing job was the cause. I had put so much water on the floor it had run through the ceiling into the flat below. I was sorry and miserable and cried.

Mother was even crosser when she found out that she had been called over the tannoy in the swimming baths. The shame of it. People would stop and ask her if we had any trouble, to be summonsed over the loud speaker in the swimming baths, was someone ill? Accident?

All the nasty busybodies could keep nothing to themselves. I thought.

After all, she might have just been there. Been drowned and no-one would have known if I had not gone there. But she was not to be convinced. If she was out when I came home, I must stay home quietly. Not announce to the whole town she was not there to look after me. What were people thinking of her?

She was a respectable woman. The whole town knew she had been summonsed in the swimming baths. She would never live down the disgrace etc., etc. I could not understand it. You’d think she’d been out and got drunk. The scarlet woman of Berndorff, Mother! No fun in her. She didn’t even know how to swim.

I told her how frightened I had been that I had not been able to find her.That pacified her and she took a ball out of her bag. She had been to Winer neustadt to hospital for an examination. They had told he she had a slipped intestine, that’s why she was always constipated.

The Dentist

In school one day there was great excitement, the dentist was coming around to see our teeth. We were lined up in the corridor along the large windows in a row. The dentist came along inspecting the children’s teeth. When he reached me I was told to open my mouth wide, then he said “Look at that bird”, I looked - he put his pliers into my mouth and pulled out a tooth! How could I have been fooled like that!

One day I had been tormenting my Mother to let me out on the sledge but she would not let me go.

Father came home from work and announced he was going to the dentist. At once I had a toothache! I must go too.

So we got dressed, and on the sledge we went to the dentist.

When we reached the dentist’s house I got quite frightened.

I climbed the cement steps slowly. Outside the front door there was a scraper for shoes. I scraped and scraped mine until Father got impatient, so I had to go in with him.

The smell in the house was awful! I started to panic, I did not have a toothache anymore. But Father said the dentist must look at it and it would be better to have it out.

We sat down. I was feeling sick! We sat there - I wanted to go to the toilet. Father asked the receptionist where it was and I crept out of the waiting room, straight through the front door and only stopping to collect my sledge - I was off. I went through the town and into the hills.

I stayed there as long as I could. My feet were soaking with the snow coming over my Wellingtons.

When I arrived home I had to bend over the chair again.

I was whacked until I promised I would never do it again.

Father had been so ashamed - waiting for me to come back from the toilet and then to find I had run away. The dentist had been so shocked to think Father possessed such a naughty child. Father would never be able to, through him embarrassment, have his teeth seen to because of me.

Of course I had to some more chair bending.

I always used to be in trouble with them. About that time my mania for washing myself started.

I noticed one day after they forced me to wash myself how good I looked after the wash.

I was so impressed at the improvement of myself “before and after”! The mirror hung on the wall just above the stool where the wash basin was, so I was able to observe myself. I repeated the experiment. It worked.

When I used to be out to play I’d go straight to the mirror. I looked awful. Sometimes I didn’t even recognise myself. This hideous looking thing, me! I’d get the water in the bowl and wash furiously and coming out of the towel I’d look at the effect - it was me - all clean. It was amazing the difference it made “before and after”. When I was clean everyone would be so nice to me. If I came home all puffed out with running, Mother would be all nasty and sneering. I’d look in the mirror, no wonder. My face was black, sweat running in streaks down my forehead.

After a magical wash I’d let mother catch a glimpse of the beautiful vision that had been submerged under the dirt and she seemed to soften, be nice to me = so I had found the secret of my success until Mother realised that after a wash I looked better than her.

When visiting with Mother, as soon as I’d get in the house I’d realised people weren’t talking to me, just talking with Mother or if Father was there - Father.

Of course I knew what the trouble was - I was dirty. So I’d go up to mother trying to tell her I must go and wash She wouldn’t take any notice, just kept on talking - talking and talking!!

I’d touch her on her hand, trying to get her to notice I was trying to talk to her, the more I pressed the more bangs I’d get. I knew that she knew that I was there, her eye was watching me from the corner but she would still pretend I was invisible. But of course the people we were visiting would eventually become aware that mother wasn’t quite with them with all the knocks she was giving me. So they would try to find out what I wanted. Being very shy and modest it took some time for me to confess that I must have a wash.

Mother’s face would turn terrible. She’d give me one of her most searing looks. “You wash when we get home” and the more she’d try to stop me, the more the hosts would insist on granting me my wish.

I’d wash, the ice would be broken. Everyone would agree what an angel I was. No other child ever wanted a wash. I was petted and praised by everyone except Mother, who would pretend she was impressed too - but giving me all the time those hard flinty, glittering looks I knew so well, already anticipating what to expect as soon as we were out of the house. She wouldn’t forget either . I’d try to forget all about it, hoping if I put it out of my mind she was bound to forget. No matter how long we stayed, how happy she seemed with the people, it all came back to her the moment we were left in each other’s company.

I’d be forewarned what would happen when we’d go visiting I was to keep quiet. No washing! If I was asked to take something twice - cakes etc., I must refuse. People must not think that just because I was as skinny as a scarecrow that I was not fed. One cake only and no washing. People would think we had nowhere to wash or too poor to buy soap. But of course the moment we were in I’d feel dirty and of course things would take their natural course as always with me. Washing - eating more than one cake - bends over the chair when we got in.

I’d cry myself to sleep, dying to get up to wash in case someone saw me with all the tearstains on my face. The house might burn down and I’d be found dirty.


Mum always loved washing and looking nice, she was never without her lipstick and powder.  I still have her last make up bag with all her bits in it.


Thursday, 2 November 2006

Billy and good news

My boy is home.  He is still a bit snuffly but is sooooo much better. He has lots of medication for his nose infection but they have found nothing wrong with his chest.  I have been busy cuddling him and he is glad to be home.  He is not back to his naughty self yet but hopefully will be soon.  I have put on a picture of him, he is old but bold.  He'll be 10 soon and is a bit blind but still can see enough to get into lots of mischief when he is ok. 

Thanks so much for all the comforting messages.


Wednesday, 1 November 2006


I had to be at work today so I made an appointment for Billy for this afternoon but Paul took him earlier as his breathing was worse.  They have done some chest xrays which are clear but he has a bad infection in his nose which they say they have never as bad before.  It could be linked to his prostrate and they are doing more tests tomorrow.  Meanwhile his white cells are high. They have kept him in overnight and I am in tears!  Thanks for all your kind words, I'll keep in touch.

Terry x